The Forge

Use the heat and intensity of these times to shape yourself into a stronger, truer version of yourself. Dedicated to people who have been yearning to make change... but have been holding back.

Last month, my 30-year-old psychotherapy client Rose¹ walked into my office with bowed shoulders and grief-stricken eyes. When I asked what was wrong, she waved her hand and sighed.

“These times. This country. The starvation in Gaza. How every day, there’s some new revelation – or many – about what this administration is doing to harm the most vulnerable people.

“But what can you do?” she went on. “People don’t seem to want to do anything. I invite friends to come to a protest, and they say that they can’t because they’re going to go play in the mountains.”

I took a breath, preparing to empathize with her, when a vision flashed through my mind. I saw a block of iron in a forge. The heat was high, the pressure intense, and heavy blows were raining down on it from all sides. The iron was collapsing into a shapeless lump, mirroring Rose’s energy that morning.

But then the vision blurred and resolved again. This time I saw the iron shaped into a sword. Then it took on the shape of a bowl. Then, a shield.

The meaning was clear. We cannot change the heat, or the intensity, or the violence of the blows coming at us. But we can choose how we allow these forces to shape us. We may even wield these forces to shape us into stronger, better, more authentic versions of ourselves.

If a person has an innate drive to tell the truth, she can choose to shape herself into a sword that cuts through disinformation and lies. If a person’s soul came here to embody love and generosity, he can choose to dig deep, below the conditioned every-man-out-for-himself of American capitalism, and show up with even greater loving generosity, like a bowl that never runs out of food. If a person feels a deep inner calling to protect those most vulnerable to fascist violence, they can use the heat and intensity to cut through their fears and forge themself into a shield.

Like the aikido master who neutralizes aggression and transforms it into nonviolent relationship, we all have the power to meet the cruel hateful energies of these times and use them to cut through areas of resistance and ego that have been keeping us stuck for years.

You can become the sword, the bowl, or the shield. Or a shape of your own choosing. You have that choice.

Most of us have an inkling of how we can live more purposefully and powerfully in this world. We feel a pull to explore something, to take some bold action, or sense that we are stuck in a box not of our own choosing and yearn to be free.

And how could it be any other way? We live in a culture that is built on domination and control. A culture that, from the moment we were born, seeks to shape us into good, conforming consumers who prioritize little else besides our own comfort and that of our nuclear family.

From our earliest days, we are taught to follow the rules. We are rewarded with praise for doing what the teacher wants, and punished with criticism, poor grades, and sometimes even ridicule, for doing what he or she does not want. And our parents – even those who are not acting out their traumas on us, even those in the most loving of families – their job is to set us up for success in the culture. To make sure that we can survive on our own in the ecosystem into which we were born. And that necessarily means molding us into shapes that fit the culture.

Don’t get me wrong. I am profoundly grateful for the stellar education I received. It has given me the freedom to live the best life I can possibly live, within an extremely oppressive system. And I am profoundly grateful for the loving family I had the privilege to be born into. Both of these are gifts, forms of privilege that most Americans do not enjoy.

And also – I have come to believe that our educational system and the patriarchal family unit work in tandem to teach us to accept the authority of others over the “still, small voice” of our own souls.

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As a gender non-binary, queer woman, I have been fighting to live authentically for my whole life. In recent years, this painful tension in my body has centered around writing and teaching.

For years, I have felt called to write and teach, to share the liberatory lessons I have been learning through the nature-based spiritual practice known as shamanic journeying.

But this call was inconvenient at best, and scary at worst. I was quite comfortable in my private psychotherapy and shamanic practice, working one on one with clients. I was doing meaningful work. I was helping people. My practice was always full, and I was earning a good, middle class living. I didn’t have to put myself out there. I didn’t have to risk the judgments and criticism of others. So, for several years, I did what most good, conforming Americans do: I ignored the call of soul.

As time went by, however, the tension grew. It finally became so uncomfortable that I gave in and began to experiment with writing. I was shocked to discover that I had no idea how to write in my own voice. I had spent so much time reading, critiquing, and admiring other people’s work, and being trained by professors and mentors to write in a way that sounds objective, that I didn’t know how to write from my heart about my own spiritual experience.

Now, this is actually a bit ironic, because in my undergraduate thesis in the Philosophy of Science, I explored the intellectual history of the concept of objectivity in Western thought, and then used research in Cognitive Science and Neuroscience to critique the concept — concluding that objectivity is a myth. And so when I was pursuing my Master’s of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, I took a principled stance and refused to hide my subjectivity behind the contortions of the passive voice. I broke the rules and used the word a person is never supposed to use in scientific discourse: I. My lofty principles failed to protect me from the angry red corrections of my professors. (What was I just saying about our educational system? That it demands conformity?)

So apparently, I could have all the principles in the world, backed by scientific research and philosophical argument, but somewhere along the way, I had still lost the ability to write in my own damn voice.

Once I realized this, I knew I needed help. My next step was to invest time and money into a weeklong creative nonfiction writing retreat. Upon returning, I formed a writing group where I could practice and receive feedback. I spent dozens, possibly hundreds of hours writing and editing pieces. All of this was extremely helpful, and extremely necessary. I was learning what worked and what didn’t work in writing about shamanism. I was finding my voice.

But then I met my next wall: putting my work out there. My ego screamed at this.

What would people think, I worried, when I came out of the closet as a (white) shamanic practitioner? The legitimate and important conversation about cultural appropriation had become increasingly toxic and polarizing, with no room for more nuanced exploration. Politically, I identified as progressive – could I withstand accusations being hurled at me from my own community?

And – I am no poet! My favorite nonfiction author is Robin Wall Kimmerer, and I can’t hold a candle to her! Why would people want to read my matter-of-fact, folksy style when they can spend their time wrapped in her peaceful, jaw-dropping prose?

And – could there be a more “woo-woo” practice than shamanic journeying? What would my fellow Rhodes Scholars think? I pictured them laughing in disgust.

Looking back, I feel foolish for constructing such a prison out of these fears. But don’t we all? And might this be precisely why our country is falling apart? Because those of us who are sensitive enough to give a damn about other people, have been pressured and bullied into prioritizing conformity over the call of our own souls?

I hate to say it, but the 2024 election gave me the kick in the butt that I needed. I just could no longer tolerate staying silent. As the country plunged deeper into fascism than I have witnessed in my lifetime, I was learning lessons from shamanic journeying which were life-changing, empowering, and seemed to provide medicine that people desperately need. I asked myself: if not now, when? If my writings can help even just one person, then what am I doing staying stuck, quiet and safe, in my fear? It became clear that my stuckness was selfish: pure ego. Just do it already! So I began to publish my writings, and here you are, reading my words.

I have a long way to go. I still wrestle with that familiar demon, Perfectionism. Perfectionism prevents me from ripping off shorter pieces more frequently, and instead funnels me into the safer groove of writing longer, more carefully constructed pieces (apparently this is not the way to build an audience). But I feel good about how far I have come.

And if I can do it… SO. CAN. YOU.

So, who is the person you are, and have yet to fully become? How can you wield the forces of these times to free yourself and those around you? What have you always wanted to do, but felt too self-conscious or scared or stuck to do?

If you’re not sure, look to your passions. Look at the things that are happening right now that bother you the most. Perhaps you are dismayed by the cruelty, contempt, and polarizing blame in our public discourse? Perhaps you long for respectful spaces where we can share our stories and perspectives, and hear those of others, across the chasms of difference blown wide by self-serving politicians and a greedy corporate media? The person you are waiting for is you. The time for excuses is long past. I don’t care if you don’t have the skills – I didn’t either. Go get them. Find trainings in facilitating talking circles, restorative justice, mediation, conflict transformation, Non-Violent Communication, or peacemaking.

For how amazing would it be, if one of the unanticipated consequences of these times is the birth of a whole new generation of peacemakers?

Perhaps, as a white male, you are dismayed by the toxic, violent, white supremacist masculinity that is actively being encouraged and recruited by the federal government. Perhaps you have a vision of asking men to gather, form authentic relationships, and brainstorm solutions. But you are afraid. Perhaps you were bullied as a sensitive male child, and the trauma in your body keeps you stuck. Challenging this form of masculinity would put yourself out there in a big way.

You can wield the desperate need of these times to push past that trauma and act on your vision.

For, how amazing would it be, if one of the unanticipated consequences of these times is the birth of a whole new generation of white, straight, male activists and healers, who are creating a culture of radical equality and respect for the dignity, sovereignty and autonomy of all people, including women, immigrants, people of color, LGBTQ people, and yes, straight, white men?

Or, perhaps you are dismayed at how the Earth herself is being treated. Truly, nearly every action the White House takes seems chosen by design to accelerate climate chaos and exult in the enormous harm to the Earth and all her creatures. Perhaps you yearn to work with people in your community to find a different way, a way to live in balance and harmony with the earth. But the voice that has lived with you for your entire life whispers: who do you think you are to do that? And – by the way, you don’t have the skills!

You, too, can leverage the heat, intensity, and violence of these times to push past that voice and act. Focus your attention not on how awful everything is, but on how deep of a need there is for transformation. Use the need as a call, transform it into energy to take a permaculture course. Join groups committed to living simply. Join boycotts and put on a house party where you invite your friends to participate. Do something – every species on this planet is calling on you to act!

For, how amazing would it be, if one of the unanticipated consequences of this time is the awakening of the American public? If suddenly, the fog of our conditioned desire for comfort and luxury melts away and we see clearly the mess we have created – how each one of us is contributing to climate chaos, how each one of us — every time we give our money to an international corporation — is creating and sustaining the fascist oligarchy itself. And then, horrified by this awful truth, we withdraw our time and money from this toxic system and learn how to live in harmony with the Earth.

Every one of these scenarios is possible. I know this because each idea I shared above came from not from me, but from one of my clients. Each one of these ideas comes from their stifled and repressed dreams. And if these yearnings and visions and dreams are bubbling up in my private practice, you can be sure they are bubbling up throughout the U.S. and the world.

So, as the dream of America crumbles, let’s act. I invite you to share what you are feeling called to do, or are already doing. Please, write it in the comments! Commitment, passion, and courage are contagious. By writing your dream, you will inspire others.

Imagine this catching fire. Imagine if all of us who are appalled at what is happening in the U.S. and the world stops giving our time to corporate social media doom-scrolling, picks ourselves up, wields the forces of these times, pushes through our egoic resistance, and fully enacts our purpose.

Please share what you are doing, or what you feel called to do, in the comments. Stepping into the full truth of who you are will encourage others to do so!

And as for Rose, my client behind the vision of the forge? When I sensed the time was right, I shared the metaphor of the forge with her, and she transformed before my eyes. Her shoulders straightened and her gaze filled first with surprise, then hope, and then a flicker of deeper things: passion and determination.

“If you could do anything right now to make a difference, what would it be?” I asked.

And guess what? It turns out that she has big, bold dreams! It turns out she wants to run for office! She is now exploring getting the training and support she needs to step toward that big, bold move.

You can do this, too. Join us.

Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,
what batters you becomes your strength.
-Rilke

1. name and other details changed to protect confidentiality.